They say that time heals all wounds. I like to believe that, and in the past, it has always proven to be true.
Yet with this heartbreak, nothing seems to help.
As you're set to marry another tomorrow, I can't control my memories of Victoria Day weekends passed.
My mind keeps returning to exactly 3 years ago, to the weekend where I thought I had finally won your heart and then actually lost it. A moment where I thought we would finally be a couple was overshadowed by your uncertainty. And then it culminated with your telling me that our time together was over. Your actions spoke louder than your words that weekend, and I can still hear your empty reply of "I don't know" to my question "what is it that you like about me?" In the silence of the night, that scene replays over and over to me, like a nightmare that I can't escape.
I keep thinking of how it was exactly 2 years ago when I saw you last. Our last moment together, where you dropped me off without saying anything and as I climbed my front stairs, I looked back to the car in, what is now, my final attempt to win your heart. You drove away and never looked back.
In my mind, I know that's it's been over for a long, long time. Looking back with a clear head, I realize that it was probably over before it ever started. But my heart can never connect with my head and has always heald out hope. Tomorrow will be the door closing on my heart. When that door closes, I don't know how or if my heart will ever recover.
I cannot wish you luck. I cannot wish you happiness. I cannot wish you a joyous wedding and I cannot wish you a long and happy marriage. I can only wish that I make it through tomorrow and finally begin a new life on Monday.

An Odd Tidbit...

...The little house (which still hasn't sold), belonged to my great grandmother many, many years ago. Weird, eh? I had no idea, but I bet that explains why I've been so drawn to it.

The parents did a drive by of the house.
And a big, unanimous 'NO'! So there is what's gone wrong.
Not a happy night tonight, I'm so sick of having NOTHING!

Decisions, Decisions

There hasn't been much going on with me. Except the whole buying a house thing...
Yes, you read right. The whole idea of purchasing a home has been on my mind for a few months now. It seems like the appropriate next step in my life, seeing as there isn't anything else that'll be happening.
I've gone to look at some condos, I've looked into different complexes, and the reality is, on one salary, they are just far too expensive. The price may be reasonable, but once you factor in the taxes and monthly condo fees, there is no way that I could do it.
A few months ago, I saw a little house for sale online, in an area that I was interested in, for a price that seemed do-able. So finally last week, I decided to contact the agent and go take a look. I was mostly going to satisfy my curiosity. I figured that I'd go and hate it. It would be ugly in person, or way smaller than I thought, or the neighbourhood wasn't what I wanted. I thought that if I got it out of my head, I wouldn't be miserable when I found out it had sold, and I wouldn't have to spend the next 6 months wondering if that house, like all the men in my life, was 'the one that got away'. Unfortunately, I really liked the house.
Now I'm in a huge state of confusion. Generally things go badly for me. So the fact that the planets seemed to have aligned for me and this house, feels like I might be tempting fate a little. Like I'll buy it, and a week later, the roof falls in. That's the sort of thing that happens to me. Or, I'll spend my life savings and mortgage myself sky high, and then lose my job. Things don't go smoothly and this would be a huge thing to have fall apart.
Limbo looms for me. I can't decide what to do. I really want this house, mainly cause it's cute and I can afford it. Who knows the next time those two (important) factors will align? And with my recent inability to make basic decisions, I can't see myself being able to decide on this one all by myself. And so far, nobody has offered up any tangible advice other than "yeah, that little house is really cute". Some help please...

Why does Ron MacLean insist on interviewing Gary Bettman? There is no bigger pompous, arrogant, RUDE, S.O.B. on this planet. I understand that it's probably a key interview, but nobody should have to endure his out and out rudeness and nastiness, and if Canadians could give their opinion, I'm sure they'd tell Ron to just not bother. It's not worth the abuse he takes for asking some very basic questions.
And if I ever get the great opportunity to meet that rancid little midget in a dark alley (hell, even in a well lit shopping mall), I'll be sure to get a shot in for Ron MacLean. Maybe 2 or 3 just for him, and then a whole whackload just for myself.

Crispy

I'm a little sunburnt. I've been going to bronzage for a week and a half, and I get burnt sitting outside yesterday afternoon, celebrating Mother's Day. Go figure.
I took a nice oatmeal bath to try and help. It didn't. I got in the tub and all I could think of was the last time I was so sunburnt and I took a bath, I wasn't alone. Tonight I was. I didn't like it. And I hate when I miss him. I hate him, I hate the situation and I hate myself for still not being over it.
Nothing going on, in life, really. A lot going on in my head. I'm too exhausted and annoyed with my weakness to even write about it. Here's hoping it will pass, must maintain the cheerfull, happy new Christy.

I know, I know, you've all been popping by, and I've been a very bad (lazy) blogger.
Honest, there is nothing going on, so nothing to report. Things are good. Still no dates, but that's okay, haven't been up for anything like that.
Yep, things are boring here.